Missing Mae

Today is the 4th anniversary of losing our little Mae. For those that don't know, we lost Mae when I was just shy of 21 weeks pregnant due to severe birth defects. 4 years removed from the loss has greatly reduced the pain, but I always have troubles on this day. We were in such an awful place 4 years ago. The pain can certainly still cut deep, but it's lessened over the years. I still catch myself wondering what she'd look like and what her personality would be. It would be fun to have 2 girls and I know Ava would have enjoyed a little sister.

I catch myself tearing up at everything today. Ava seems to be a bit allergic to our new kitty and I cry. She starts kindergarten tomorrow and I cry. Ava and Maddux are constantly fighting and I cry. And of course I'm crying because I miss my baby girl.

I remember her tiny, tiny hand and fingers. Her little hand wasn't even as big as the first digit of my finger. And her skinny little feet, they looked just like Ava's did, long and skinny as can be.

I hope my little girl is happy and healthy wherever she may be. I'll forever have a hole in my heart for her.